Why do you let that old cow bother you?

Today was a hard day. I felt an enormous amount of anger. So much anger that I wanted to throw up.

Last month our landlord told us that he would not be renewing our lease on the house we were renting. We had been there almost one year (our contract ended today) and we loved it. He said we were great tenants but he wanted his daughter to move in. At first I was stressed, but realized he wasn't breaching our contract. But over the last several weeks, I have become increasingly upset about it.

I remembered that four months into our lease, he asked us if we would want to move so his son could move in.

He wanted us to maintain the lawn with his lawn mower (part of the contract) but when it wouldn't work, he said we needed to buy our own.

He wanted his daughter to be able to move things into the house before we were out.

All of that was annoying. But bearable. And then today, after an incredibly busy two weeks of packing and moving things and cleaning and paying a lot of money to move when we didn't want to and watching my girls deal with all the confusion, it got worse. My siblings came over and helped us clean all day (I had already been cleaning for a few days). We all worked so hard, were incredibly thorough. We had professional carpet cleaners come. I left feeling that we had left it in great shape. They did a walk through with Jake (the landlord and his wife) and his wife ripped Jake apart. She was disgusted at how poorly we had left the house. She said it wasn't up to her standards, that it would take her several hours to clean up what we didn't do. She said she felt uncomfortable letting anyone (her daughter?!) move in with the state it was in. She made him feel like a child. I may not be the most pristine person when it comes to cleaning, but that house looked amazing. We spent a lot of money fixing things up so it looked great. And they didn't care at all.

When Jake told me about it, it took absolutely all of my self control to refrain from writing a strongly worded text. I hate when people make me feel small, but hate it more when it is done to my husband. My emotions are already heightened with the move and with the kids being a little more emotional, as well. It is a lot to take care of.

I got in the car and called my Granny. One of the loveliest people in the whole world. Truly. I had remembered that she told us a story growing up about living on a farm with a stubborn cow that didn't like to be milked. One day the cow was being especially difficult, and one of her relatives (a cousin or her brother, I can't recall) came running into the house frustrated at the situation. My granny's mother, who I hear was also quite a fantastic lady, said, "Why do you let that old cow bother you?". And it became a saying in the family, passed down to me and my siblings. I needed to hear my granny tell me about it tonight.

When I called, she said that it's really very sad that some people don't know how to deal with other people. That they don't even realize that they are rude and condescending. That they were never taught better or they feel the need to "be the big cheese", as she put it (love that). She said I should pity people like him. That I was justified in my frustrations. But that I also know better than him, and I am in control of my own emotions and reactions.

The more she kept referring to our landlord as an old cow, the more I realized that I am so glad I didn't retaliate today. She suggested I draw a picture of a cow with a big dumb tail dragging in the dirt and imagine it's him. I love that. I love her.

And I realized that I have been feeling anger toward other things. Things that simply aren't worth my energy. People saying dumb things online, people doing things that I don't understand. Today I hit my threshold. The thermometer broke.  I realized today that my daughters need to see kindness in my actions and words. I'm sad that they heard me talking so angrily on the phone with Jake about it. I hope to exemplify love and patience. I guess this is what they call growing and learning.